Its a subject most of us would prefer not to discuss. Something being probed up in an area where the goods train is working, doing its natural course in life. Arguing against that natural we also want to make sure our health is what it should be, so I gave that permission. Permission granted to be analyzed. My date loomed and tonight was the night so I read the instructions and did the first prep powder packet in one full glass of water in the allocated time slot. Not a bad concoction and I would liken it to a fizzy orange flavoured Berocca, An hour later my colon let me know progression was imminent. I also now know that, that was the start of the “gentle” evacuation procedure. 3 hours later at 9pm on the dot, I mixed up the next potion but this time it had to be in a litre of water and to be drunk over an hour. It was sweet and okay but it was a lot to sip in that time frame but all good as it killed the hunger pains. 2 hours later with just the most gentlest warning that something might happen, I was thrown into the deep end of sudden mass restocking of toilet supplies whilst having intermittent potty talk. Trust me nothing was coming out of my mouth. I knew I had sipped this in 10 minute increments to make sure I got through it all so was now aware I had at least 5 minutes in between each resting period. I had drunk extra water with a warning from others of the high possibility of “the ring of fire” so whilst forced sitting I thought about it and decided I would use some vaseline just incase. I wanted to make sure my presentation the next day was at least looking as good as it could. In the short gap I had I hunted for the vaseline. There was none in the house that I could find. Then I remembered the dog container. Where all dog things live. Tablets, flea stuff and YUSS vaseline. I looked in the pottle and saw all the stabbed holes where Willow the dog had also been analysed whilst waiting for labour. I said No way. Bum said yes way. I said no way. Bum said scrape all stuff off top way. I said no way. Bum said it will be clean at the bottom way. I said no way. Bum won. I scraped till there was just enough left on the bottom that I could guarantee had not seen the tip of the dog thermometer. I vowed to tell no one of this and will take this to my grave. At 2am, 3 hours and 4 toilet rolls later I was hoping it was safe enough to have a shower and go to bed. I was just putting protective clothing on just incase and thought I may as well put some more vaseline on. I grabbed the pottle and snuck into the toilet. I finger scooped some vaseline and was just about to fold in half and do the deed when I got a whiff off my finger…..Should have kept my glasses on….. It was Vicks Vaporub. Id call that a lucky escape…………………..