My son gave me his old phone. To him it was old but to me it was brand new and more so, up to date and full of features destined to blow my mind and enlarge my mental capacity to get with this new technology. I was still operating on an S4 but now I was about to leap quite close to the latest out there. Change is not something I look forward to but I will do it in my time. I just need a clear head space and not when everyone is demanding something from an already overloaded hard working Mother/Nana/Wife/give me give me give me situation. You know exactly what I mean don’t you? We need that hot drink or maybe some of you a good cold one, and utter silence to know that this time is my time. Leave me alone to decipher, understand and embark on this new “thing” that I have to conquer in the 5 minutes I have because that is probably all I will get until a crisis hits that silence that will force me to leave. My boys eagerly tell me “Just take both phones with you mum, ask for a mini blah blah and upload all you want to blah blah then download blah blah and blah blah will be sweet and I promise it will all work the same as your old one.” Oh gosh can I really remember all this and then expect to operate this new phone? Yes I think I can, I tell myself, just like that little train could. Soon I am at Spark. Yes that stupid name they gave Telecom that makes me feel like a little kid in a Sunday School class ready for my lessons on how not to call someone stupid because it is bad manners. Oops too late. The store is packed and busy but I want my phone done today so I queue and wait my turn. Finally standing before me is a young Spark and I am happily using all the new words just learnt an hour before so that I don’t look stupid (there’s that word again) and that I look way more intelligent than my aged old body has lead him to believe otherwise. I mention the uploading and downloading aspect of transferring my contacts and data as perfectly as my son explained to me only to be told “Oh there is an easier way. Just down load Smart Switch onto both phones.” he enthusiastically tells me. Darn! He knows more than I do. I reluctantly have to ask him what smart switch is and he shows me with 2 phones how you load and connect and then put the phones together. Right now I have to alert you to foot and mouth disease or is it simply why don’t you think it through in your head, sound it out silently to see if it is right and non embarrassing for anyone within your hearing range, certainly not in a busy packed small shop AND pre listen before it actually leaves your mouth. He is holding up the 2 phones together and the words of “just like this” have only just escaped from his lips when an Avatar vision pops into my head and I blurt out “Well that brings a whole new meaning to phone sex doesn’t it?”
I really thought the grandkids didn’t see me as done and dusted and really really old. We were heading home from the airport and I don’t know how the subject came up or why but the end result is still lingering in my grey matter. Hairbrushes was the sudden subject. “Did they have hairbrushes a long time ago Nana?” “Yes I guess they did but not too sure what they looked like,” I responded, not knowing I was about to cough up a 2000 year old fur ball. “What about when you were young with Jesus?”
Now that is it daylight my skink as morphed into a crocodile…. shame weird mummy 🙁
I was stunned, stoked, frightened and excited all at the same time. I’m Lucky I didn’t throw a fufu valve. Our puppy Brooke was playing with something outside so I went to investigate. It was a huge lizard/skink. Wow I’ve seen a few tiny ones under bushes over the years but not one this size. It was near rat size although quite a skinny looking one. My mind was racing to thoughts of don’t let it get away to how am I going to catch this to wow the Grandys are going to fight over who takes this one to school. They have both been investigating insects and to have already scored 2 stick insects in 2 days was a highlight of that week. Especially since they were actually studying that particular insect. Both were taken from under the jaws of Brooke and saved for school albeit both ended up going as corpses due to Brookes 4 paws antics. So a huge skink would make every ones day for sure. First up was to grab the good old android to get that perfect shot just in case it took off and there was nothing left but a good old fish tale to tell. I called Brooke off her destruction derby and encouraged her to race to the house with me to get my phone. The adrenalin was fair pumping and the thoughts were tumbling over each other of what container would be suitable for the new inhabitant. Snatching my phone I raced back down the steps hoping Mr Lizard was still to stunned to have left the scene. Yep he was still there. I took a shot from a distance just in case, before I took a few more steps to move in and get the closer ones. From experience a far away blurry shot is better than diving in and getting no shot so each shot I took I got closer and closer. Poor lizard was in no hurry to go anywhere. I feared his demise was imminent. I was close enough now to see that his tail had been attacked and half his face was missing. Brooke!!! you cruel puppy. She looked at me in her weird doggy way and in hindsight I think she must have thought my mummy is sooo crazy today. Finding a stick I leaned in a little closer in an attempt to prod Mr skink to find some form of life that might be left in him. It was then that I could see what I was prodding. It was one of the girls plastic lizards from out of their garden toy box.
Grandchildren had stayed overnight which saw me in the morning getting everything organised to have them ready for school in about half an hour. The younger one was up and organised like she always is but the older one who tends to take after her father in, drag the body as slow as we can, was close to running us all behind. Trying to keep the cheery house alive I managed to keep the coordination flowing nicely while my directing talents were in full swing. I had given Grandy 1 her choice of cocoa pops, while I packed 2 lunches, got No. 2 to load her bag, brush her teeth, find a hairbrush and a hair tie and have her stuff ready at the door. Two of us were rolling along nicely while one of us was happily munching the chocolate Cocoa pops in super slow mode. The mode was so slow that I chose to brush her hair and tie it while the spoon was lifting up and down. One of the hardest jobs I have in the morning is not the 2 legged critters but ensuring the 4 legged purring one is outside so as not to set the alarm off when we leave. Kale was getting wise in his 11 months of lazy life and knew as soon as he heard the keys rattle that it was time to hide in my room and under my bed. He knew that I was not of a skinny nature and that I could not get under the bed to get him out. I grabbed his biscats and put them down next to Grandy 1 while the clock ticked closer to the next failed rattling biscuit movement. Whilst I fluffed around tidying up the lunch mess Grandy 1 decided she had finished but was still hungry and would like some more cocoa pops. Rolling my eyes thinking “really”, I grabbed the container and shimmied another dose into her plate. I walked off to finish my chores only to be haltered by a NANA!! that I knew meant trouble. Happy was fast disappearing and Grumpy was trying to come out but knowing that my rule is always send a child to school happy and in a good mood forced me to smile and say “What’s wrong?” She was looking at her plate with a weird expression so I went over to see what the fuss was about. There was a nice pile of newly added cat biscats in her chocolate milk remnants of the previous pops. Ooops bad Nana.
This car of my Auntys is quite a nifty little thing despite the 4 door trauma it has caused me. At the moment I am renovating a cousins cottage so I am using this car to travel back and forth because it is very light on petrol usage. Whilst I was still discovering it’s small charms, I thought I would use it to go into town to get some more cottage supplies and while I am in there I may as well do some grocery shopping. You know what it is like, one thing leads to another so today we will combine and try to do a one stop shop wonder. I have Grandys with me as well so my first priority is to stash the precious cargo in their boosters and assume all else will fit in the boot. It is a very small boot but I think it will be suffice. A few hours later sees a lot of possessions that I have bought, on the front seat and also stacked around on the floor deliberately leaving the tiny boot for the groceries. I will need all the space I can for the weekly food muster. Once I have towed unimpressed 2 legged tired creatures around the supermarket we head for the boot of the car. Grandys take their Nana only buys treat and buckle themselves into safety while I attempt to unload. Yes, they climbed in the newly discovered “back doors” themselves without gymnastic movements. I only leaned in the front myself to find the button to lift the boot. Hmmmm. I cannot see where it is. Telling myself that I am not silly nor thick, and it MUST be here somewhere, I continue looking but try as I might, I can not find it. Going back to the boot to inspect it closely I find there is a key hole in the handle bit to which I . Nothing, so I try again but still, it will not release, push in or hint at being liftable. Maybe there is a pull lever under the seat like in my car. Nope. Nothing is available to latch onto and pull with exhausted happiness. The nagging of hurry up Nana does nothing to help my rising frustration and I certainly do not want to admit I can’t find a simple button or open a simple boot. 4 minutes later I have to verbally confess that Nana can’t get into the boot. Dare I txt Aunty and ask where this next magic button is. No waaay. After a good 6 minutes of putting in key, twisting it nowhere, pushing a button that refuses to push and searching for a miracle right under my nose, I decide it is far too hot for anyone and make an executive decision to put all the groceries on the back seat. I am desperate. Grandy 1 is ordered to take her booster into the front after major reshuffling of the bought items and Grandy 2 is ushered over to one side in the back so I can start unloading. I grumble and mumble while trying to deal with my boiling anger issues because it is suddenly getting worse. I have forgotten to get any shopping bags. Right now I am over it and I don’t care so all items are placed in a mass pile beside happily munching away Grandy unaware Nana’s steam is now at boiling point. Job done and trek home done in as safe a manner as I can. Only a few items have decided to shift their position but nothing fell out or was squashed beyond recognition. I was content even though I now knew that unloading was now going to be a bigger job than what should have been already prepacked in bags.. Once at home I opened the doors ( all four of them) and we all fell out of the loaded up white blob. I gave a huge sigh of relief and vowed once again to not underestimate this cute white menace. Now that I am about to unload and the personal attack of my mental well being has passed, I dare to txt Aunty and ask how the HECK you open the beep beep boot. Her response, after hysterics was to just unlock and it should push in and lift. “But I’ve tried it 5 times. I’ve tried push, pull, lock, unlock, Ive hunted for button and levers. I have tried everything,” I wail with a hot flushed face she cannot see nor see the tears trying to build up proving I am nothing more than a menopausal old geezer who can’t do a simple task. “See” I tell her as I lock the car again and unlock it then walk around to the boot to prove my point that it wont budge….. It opens. Just like that “Did it open?” she asks interrupting the silence. It took all the strength I had in me to muster up a stupid yet audible clear sounding pip squeak “yes” ….. I so hate this economical go anywhere cute looking car.