What does it feel like to win Lotto? Well I think I now know, as I’m sure I have just won. This morning sees me putting away all the vegetables and fruit that I have bought for the week. Monday dictates a busy day for me with continual renovations with my cousin’s house and I needed to leave in 10 minutes so I didn’t have a lot of time spare. Somehow my mind forgot this huge fact and started to automatically clean the fridge as these items went away. I get to the bottom of the fridge where 2 pull out draws are and where the spare butter and block of cheese normally live. As I pulled the plastic draw open, I spy something brown and shrivelled up looking tucked away in the corner. Eww and gross are my first instincts as I go and find my glasses that will reveal what it is, how long it could have been there and how bad my housekeeping skills are. If I am lucky I might get to blame this one on someone else as I have had a full house lately. I grab some wet wipes on my trek back to the unknown brown thing and wonder whether it was Aunty or my Cousin that had forgetfully stashed something unheard of in a place I will never look at until a day like today comes upon me. Glasses firmly on eyeballs and wet wipes in hand, I lean into the brown object bracing myself for the expected doggie poop scoop with possible entertaining purple hairy hairs of penicillin upon it. That is when LOTTO STRUCK. My eye sockets popped open so fast that my eyeballs nearly fell out. My mouth was in an instant gaping astonished look. Drool was fast forming and beginning to roll out from the edge of said hanging mouth. My heart was singing in utter excitement and weird noises were escaping from deep within. There tucked in the corner was nothing foreign, nothing shrivelled, nothing purple and nothing alien in any shape or form. There sat a marshmallow Easter egg in all its brown chocolate covered glory. What did I do to deserve this? How did you get there? Who put you there? Like I really care about those questions so I snatch up this little beauty and I take a whole 0.2 seconds to make sure I am not hallucinating and take a bite like this is my first and last meal ever. It has been a short while since I have smelt, licked, sniffed or tasted chocolate and this little egg hits the golden spot of utter satisfaction in the 2 mouthfuls it took to devour the magnificent tasting tiny treat…….
While my Aunty was moving house she needed to borrow my car and trailer and since I own the much needed tow bar and the trailer we do a swap for her little white bubble car. I look at it and think it is cute and it might be fun to whizz around in that for the day. It is a 2 door but I wasn’t going to hold that against my Aunty or the car. It is not until a few hours later that I remembered I am on school pick up duties. In my opinion a 2 door car and children are not usually a good mix but, since this was helping out my aunt then we should manage just fine. Nearing the school pick up time I take the booster seats to the car and open the front door to start hunting for that magic lever that flips the seat up and away allowing you to enter the doorless rear. It is nowhere to be seen and lack of time is starting to get me a little frazzled. Surely I am not that thick but time is ticking and I seriously need to make some headway to get these seats in the back. Because I am not wanting to look like a complete idiot I choose to op out of texting my aunt to ask where the invisible lever is so with intact pride and I decide to just slide the seat forward as far as it will go. Then I use the other lever that tilts the seat forward a little. I am still reaffirming repetitive thoughts that this is one stupid invention of a car and if any parent wants to put their kids into the back seat everyday as a normal activity then they themselves must need to be mentally assessed. My troubles have only just begun as I try to manoeuver the booster seat over the folded forward front seat without much success. I had not 1 but 2 large booster seats to get over this seemingly incredibly hard hurdle. No matter which way I tried to shove it, manipulate it, push it or place it, it was not going into the back seat without some serious juggling antics. My sweat was starting to become more than just beads of beauty on my face and were quickly turning into endless runs along the forced lines of red exhausted rosacea veins. 10 stinking minutes of acrobatic movements and I was closer to tears than any form of success. I was so frustrated and upset that all I wanted to do was suddenly curl up in the foetal position and cry for my mummy and hope the world just kept on spinning while I sucked my thumb in utter baby contentment. These booster seats were now robbing me of going to this new happy place and all I could visualise was a sledge hammer smashing the foam shaped bum planters into a million piece jigsaw puzzle. Expressive words were also trying to escape direct from my frustrated mind. With whimpering sobs and a final forceful shove the gates of heaven opened up and finally we all managed to land in the back seat albeit all upside down. definitely no dignity left now but I was ever so grateful that I live rural and there was no neighbour to witnesses anything or start a gossip tale of my twisted torso in an embarrassing position. Aunty you are so lucky that you are oblivious to your nieces weird antics but this WILL be the last time you ever swap this 2 door nightmare. With barely any time left I drag my fresh hand wiped brow and I make my school dash knowing that yay they are in there but nay they are going to have to come out somehow. I make my time dash and am standing there waiting for the perfect cherubs to come and see what bubble of a surprise Nana has in store for them. They excitedly hold my hand as we go off to the car park and find my aunt’s car that Nana is borrowing. No 2 wants to be first in so I lean in and lift the seat forward to let her start what I assume might be a mount Everest climbing attack. Whilst struggling with the bent over Nana look I peer into the back seat and there I spy Grandy No 1 already seated. “How did you get in there?” I ask, absolutely stunned. “Through the door Nana'” she replied. “What door? This is only 2 doors” “No Nana its got 4 doors.” I am gobsmacked. I have to go outside and look and sure enough, this little white bubble car had 4 perfectly blended in white doors……
If any dye it person tells you it is easy then I bet their nose is so long they have to fold it in half and tuck it away and any elephant would be jealous. This is hard once your shake powder runs out and your mentor goes back to her own life and all family carry on in their world. Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful and so they all should carry on with their lives but I guess its like a baby learning to walk for the first time. They are going to fall over a few times before they get the hang of walking and I need to be like that baby. Just get back up and not worry or spend any longer than necessary about the down time. Sadly the bread was delicious, the sponge cake was even better and the 3rd slice was heaven. Well for 10 minutes anyway. Now I sit sulking because my pregnant stomach is mocking me and protruding so much. I swear it is saying ha ha got ya back into those old habits and oh so easy. My head is furious with my weaknesses. I do not like this feeling. I am so bloated and it is very uncomfortable. Hopefully that means my stomach had shrunk quite a bit on Herbie so although I am feeling quite yuk right about now, perhaps it is a good reminder that what I would usually tolerate is no longer good for me. See I am from that generation that was told under no uncertain terms that you ate EVERYTHING on your plate and to remember about all the starving children overseas who would be grateful for what I had to eat. So I ate it all. Every little crust every little crumb and if mother wasn’t looking I would lick that plate so clean you would think it had been washed. I still lick the plate today especially if it was pudding orientated. Of course when I think no one is looking. I now have to dig deep and remember what I have been taught. To smooth away, reinvent those beans, pan fry those cute roast potatoes called chick peas, pile the veges on, LEAVE certain breads alone and definitely don’t touch the cake. I have to promise myself that this is not forever, but only until I can conquer those unrestrained urges that appear to be still controlled by my emotions and still too close to the surface to ignore…..
Seriously if you think I am going to eat sweet corn on any level then you better pack your bags and get out of my house right now. Me and corn do not go together anywhere or on anything. I do not like you whole or canned I do not like you in a Pan, I do not like you on my toast I do not like you in a roast… YOU GET THE PICTURE! But still she waves a corn bread wafer in my face. Brave cousin I have yet she is undeterred by the steam piling up ready to eject out of my nose. “Do you like pop corn?” “Of course I do. Who doesn’t like pop corn? What’s pop corn got to do with anything.” “What do you think this corn wafer is made out of?” “Durr must be corn because it’s got a picture of corn on the front” “Well yes that’s what it is made from and that’s what pop corn is made from so this tastes like pop corn” There appears to be quite a long time of silence while I comprehend the reality that sweet corn and pop corn are one and the same. Seriously! How could I heave so violently while holding my nose to make sweet corn go down yet inhale the popped variety via my mass suction technique. I’m feeling really stupid right about now and clearly showing my old age fuddy duddy ways. Now I have no choice but to say “fine I will try some”. She lathers peanut butter onto the round wafer and slices banana on top. That’s a weird combination but in faith I take it and take a bite. Oh my heavenly taste bud alert has been activated. This is sooooo divine. I do not manage to get many words out as I am too busy scoffing it down but I’m sure my eyes showed the happiness expression well. She informs me that these are a quick snack for when you are in a hurry or need a little energy boost and they don’t have many calories. I love peanut butter and the nuttier the better. I love bananas too and now I suddenly love this rice bread. Put them all together, I have a simple quick snack to add to my new evolving menu for morning or afternoon tea.. warning ..its how many you eat. Only 2 for a quick snack. 10 makes you a pig so don’t go there and no I haven’t ….
I have done my 10 days. I have survived the Fat flush. Some days I didn’t think I could continue and snuck an unofficial treat in, that I have not yet confessed to anyone but regardless of those weeny hiccups, I have kept on keeping on. Family, friends and Herbie support have been vital. A HUGE shout out to my cousin who has been the best food pit bull one could ever ask for. I was privileged to have her and her hubby stay in my home the last few weeks thus being able to keep me on track and opening my eyes to a whole new world of alternative food available to eat. Things I never thought I would eat, I have now consumed. Some, but not many, were spat out accompanied by contortioned facial expressions but most were downed with an eye popping wow factor. My biggest hurdle I found was trying something new as instinctively I would say “No I don’t like that”, even if I had never tried it in my life before. That bad habit didn’t take too long to break once I tried a few new foods and liked them. My cousin had this unique way of slipping acceptable thoughts into my head to make me want to try. A good example was one day she was pan browning something for tea and handed me this little round morsel and said try this its like a mini roast potato, So I took it in faith and ate it and went yumm without thinking. It turned out to be a chick pea. I love you now chick peas and when you were dished up in a plate loaded with a variety of beans and some seed thing’s, I suddenly loved you all. You might think I have been secretly brainwashed but with measurements being done right now, if they are down and I have lost weight then Cuzzy keep those ideas coming. Most times I have stuck to a Herbalife shake for 2 meals and 1 healthy choice food meal (made by my cousin) plus I have had two other healthy snacks morning and afternoon. There has been plenty of food with complete satisfaction going in and my body has not complained much at all. So what are my results and was this all worth it? Arm – no change Chest – 2.5 cm down Waist – 11 cm down Hips – 3.5 down Leg – 4 cm down Weight – 4.4 kgs down Oh my freaken chickpeas and spinach infested brain is exploding with excitement. My Herbie lady is so excited for me. (Thanks Shae) That’s 21cms of total body fat loss. I am NOT apologising to whomever has sucked up that discarded fat because mumma is stoked. This gives me a much needed boost to continue in my new chapter. I have been warned, smoothies are around the corner and I am going to try them. Shhh I might even be a wee bit excited
Its been a few days since I started flushing. I am pleased to announce that I did not need to stick to home base in case of the unexpected. Life as been sweet and flowing just fine with not much change in the wind. Lucky we both know I’m not talking about sailing a catamaran. So far no one would know what I was up to except me in my twice a day new ritual. I don’t know what is happening or how it is happening but shhhh something is happening. The “scale” is on the decline and no doubt if they could talk they would be breathing a huge sigh of relief that their load is finally getting lighter. Not mega or major but more a mini movement and that is a good thing. Small gains mean a big end picture and more chance of keeping and sustaining that end picture. I am now almost used to this cold turkey status and I am surprised at how quick my body has adjusted. Yes I desire some of the old things and I have snuck the odd treat but the taste is different now and the satisfaction of sneaking this treat, is no longer there. I wish I had done this years earlier. So many times we give up when relief or the answer is just around the corner. We stop short of the finishing line not really knowing it is just in reach and we need to acknowledge that just because we cant see it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. If I said let’s do 3 days of deep headachy, body screaming life changing withdrawal detoxing, then you would all think no way but if I put it into a bigger time frame like 3 days of withdrawals and 2 weeks of easy sailing, you all would probably jump aboard. That is why it is so important to have a plan or goal or give yourself some hope. Without hope we are hopeless. Not bothering to start or even attempt something new that could ultimately make my own personal life a better one, I can now see was my downfall. Please don’t wait until you are as old as me and still trying to sort yourself out. Oh I wish I knew what I know now back in my 20s. Most things don’t matter and why did I waste time worrying about it in the first place. We only go down this road once and I know I am over the half way mark. As much as I hate to admit my own mortality, I’m closer to dust than when I took my first breath. So onwards I flush and onwards I change that which I have done in habit my whole life. I am NOT giving up now as the results are starting to boost my self esteem and the desire to be a healthier me is registering deep within…..
So my fat flush has arrived. Upon inspection it looks like some form of powdery thing. I look at it deeply with expectant expectations and wonder if it will truly flush it all away. My mind knows that in reality nothing is going to flush the fat away or we would all be skinny and moaning because our bones poke out or we rattle in the wind. Are we not a miserable moaning species? It’s too hot.. It’s too cold.. I like summer.. I like Winter.. Well I like being alive so I don’t care what the season is or the temperature but I do care about these little fat particles that someone thinks they have permanently loaned me. News Flash! They are coming back and I’m using this Fat Flush stuff to flick back that which is not mine. I follow the instructions and down my first dose. No dry retching and no bad after taste so maybe just maybe I can do this. On ward and upward for me and hopefully downward for the fat cells. (oops is that another pun) I’m staying close to home for the next 24 hours as I have no idea what is going to happen to my body and I don’t want to have to apologise to any one for anything that may happen including body parts gurgling, possible unforced sounds escaping and fast exit requirements. Oh the lengths we go to, to try some new promised recipe or remedy….
I’m still over weight. I’m still struggling. I’m still looking for ways to cheat the system. I’m still on my Herby challenge but, I’m still trying and even though it sounds hopeless, it is not. I’m still one step ahead and one day better off than I was yesterday so if I was to tie it all together, I am making slow but steady progress. Much of my struggle comes from lifestyle at the moment. I have guests making my home a full house. A son over from Aussie, a sister up from Tauranga, an Aunt who is homeless and cousins from Hong Kong. Don’t get me wrong I’m LOVING them all here and so grateful I have a huge home to fit them in, but we know the routine does not run as normal and that things change naturally to compensate for this time period of difference. I am NOT going to slurp my herby drink in front of them while they tuck into anything they desire for lunch or dinner. But on the other scale I am not going to indulge in previous bad eating patterns because I’m determined to stick to my dye it as close as I can. My house guests are some of my biggest supporters so I need to be strong and faithful to them and show them that their encouragements have not been in vain. There is a saying out there “You pick your friends but are dumped with family” Some days I might secretly think I could have been dumped with bodies Id rather slam dunk or rearrange their facial features but as a norm I thank God for my family every day. They are awesome and they know me and my faults and they love me regardless. And so they better because they are my family and we all share the same expectation of having each others backs. My house lot are supporting me in my lifestyle change.. Well maybe not my son because he just wants scones for lunch and I do make a mean scone that may need to be taste tested. You never know batch 4987 might be different. So his endless food intake is hard for me to not taste test on route to his plate. Also his bag of party mix lollies where he faithfully leaves me the horrible black and white jellybeans that I adore, is just to rude for me to not accept. So all in all I’m plodding along. Shae from Happy Herby World on Facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/Happy-Herbie-World-513944082110233/?fref=ts ) is still such a skinny honey and checks in on me heaps. She actually growls me in love when I tell her oops I forgot to do something the right way around but she understands and continues to support me. She is all excited because there is a 10 day Fat flush available that she thinks I could benefit from. Normally my heckles would peak to maximum height right then and there and I’d accuse her of picking on the “fat lady” and probably mentally try to break her skinny legs, but today I think hmm, Fat flush really? The idea sounds great, I think. The mental thoughts of fat “flushing” away is quite exciting but then my mind is invaded with visual thoughts and they are not so good on any level. Once I shake my head 5 times and smack the visions against a brick wall I contemplate that maybe I should add this to my almost normal Herbalife routine. Once again her positive talking has me eagerly awaiting my arrival of Fat flush. Next day service can not be beaten. Look out fat particles. I don’t know how this will “pan” out (excuse the toilet pun) but you all could be slithering away as early as tomorrow…