Ahhhhhhh hitting a tough time..want chocolate..want sweets…want anything that looks like it is wrapped in sugar. I read an article today that said chocolate will be like caviar in 2020 because we are running out of cocoa trees and here I am trying to quit now. Am I mad? Probably but I will carry on and try not to lick any wrappers I see lying around from someone elses discard 🙁  …… ps I got caught stealing 4 milk lollies from a free for all bowl in Mega mitre today.  I tried so hard to slap my hand with the other but before I knew it 3 were in my bag and 1 was unwrapped and forced in my mouth before I could say NO!  I did hover over the thought of tipping the whole bowl in my bag but  calmly walked away as I wiped the drool going down my mouth.  Ahhhh that lolly and the subsequent 3 tasted so BLIMMIN good. shhh no one tell my herby lady

Changing ones eating pattern is nothing short of sheer hard work. Give me a 9 to 5 job cleaning toilets any day instead of dye it ing.  Well maybe skip the toilet cleaning but there are a lot of things I’d rather do than what I have been doing for the last 3 days.  I have done the mental self talk.  I have recognised my measure by which I am using to tackle this hurdle and I am now embracing this Herbie journey.  I am not a happy camper but I am a determined albeit miserable, new active member of Herbalife.  I have been measured in embarrassing places on my body.  I have tried to suck it in as hard as I can but those skinny little measuring hands were taking too long so I thought oh what the heck, let it rip loose and what do you know, the minute I relaxed gravity took over. There stood the saggy baggy elephant. “I am taking your measurements across the bust in line with the nipple” Shae says pulling out the tape to its max length.  “Umm honey, I haven’t seen them for years but I think they are under there somewhere, facing south” I snicker. Shae is delighted with my confessions.  I secretly hope she wets her pants with laughter so I can prove she is not perfect but she continues on her numerical challenge.  Large numbers are noted down till we are left with only one more event.  Hog tying me and putting me onto the scales.  I will confess to the weight but you will NEVER get me to admit to the measurements.  82kg and that is all you are getting……….So now I am on day 3 and my new weigh in and measurements are pending.  I must admit that it has not been as hard as I thought it would be.  Maybe that’s because I am in the right place in my mind and at the right place in my life and those two together gives one that “Oprah light bulb moment” when things suddenly click and actually work.  Some would say 30 years a little late but hey, I always say better late than never.  And if you can gleam something out of this and start years earlier than me then something positive can come out of an old fuddy duddys post.  I have also been very busy over this time, so I think that has a big part to play in my 3 day hopefully successful boast soon.  My Aunty sold her home and I have been there everyday helping with all sorts of skill levels on offer, helping where I can.    The weather has been extremely humid as well and my hair has been leaking all over my face, something shocking.  I don’t think I have ever leaked so much in all my life but secretly I am hoping it will aid in my weight loss.  Those scales are only hours away from hippopotamus torture so any leakage is deemed a weight loss advantage at this point so early in my challenge.  Shae has also been a tremendous part of the last 3 days  with daily check ups  and daily postings that encourage and keep me on track.  ( Happy Herbie World on Facebook)  She may be very young but is dedicated and not just sells the Herbalife but actively and daily communicates.  I need this as if you leave me alone  I will eventually wither, feel useless and then give up because we all have hiccups days and if there is no one to burp you, then its all over rover.  You must get family and friends around you to motivate and encourage you along what ever you are trying to achieve.  Most times we give this kind of help willingly to our children and forget that we ourselves need to take our own advice so Shae thank you and please keep kicking me forward into my own personal success……  Although this is a 3 day challenge I will continue for a few more weeks but right now my 3 days is up and it is numbers galore time.  I am so close to quitting as I love my food and I’m so over shakes to be brutally honest, so there had better be something to shout about….. The measurements are in….  Chest down 3cm waist down 8cm hips 1.5 and legs 1 …. I’m a little gobsmacked and so stoked. Hmm could I be stokesmacked.  My new word I just invented.   I didn’t expect those results even if I thought my clothes were fitting a little less under their normal pressure.  My weight comes in at 79.7 so that’s down 2.3kg … wozzer!!!   Mumma Hippo is thudding all over the place.   I may have to issue a tsunami alert.    These results give me the rear boot I need to keep going forward and persevere with my shakes twice a day and a healthy meal.  Shae is full of wonderful words and tells me she is so proud of me.  Gosh I feel like a little excited kid that has done her mummy proud.  My measure of cold turkey is working.  Watch this shrinking space……….

I will dye my world in only two shades today.  Black or white.  There will be no shades of grey in my head as grey for me is too undecided.  It forces a person to fluctuate and hover indecisively at the same time and leave you quite bewildered on the right choice to make.  Like sitting on the fence and not knowing which way you should go so today it’s black and white day.  Decision day.  Yet there shall be no dyeing on this blog today.  I am actually talking about the other word that sounds the same but has a whole new painful game plan attached to it.    I don’t like saying the word out loud because I am convinced that when someone looses weight, there are fat particles hovering in the universe just waiting for this person to accidentally breathe that word out loud, which in turn, gives those fat particles permission to come and attach themselves to where ever they choose on that unsuspecting dye it ers  anatomy.  Please don’t make me say it aloud as today my measure is upon me and my day of reckoning is here.  I don’t know where to start or what to start with but start I must.  I have waited a few more days than I already should have because as well as believing in my measure, I must also be in the right mind set to do this.  They link together for total success.   If you are not ready to do what you believe you are ready to do with your measure then failure again is a sure thing.  So with my head in the right place and my measure acknowledged, today is black and white day.  Cold turkey is lurking and I’m letting my gobbledy gook habits and my piggy slop ways run free to annoy someone else, while I totally dump my sugars and anything else that can be used against me.  The pain in my head is already being acknowledged because I know the next 3 days are critical to my measurable success.  Mummas got an agenda and I am ready so bring it on.  Now all I have to do is choose what dye avenue I will pursue.  I  believe that any dye it  works.  What ever you choose and what ever way you want to lose it WILL work if you stick to it.   Failure on a dye it is because we give up or cheat and then blame the programme but I am ready so choose I must.  I have acquired a new friend on Facebook.  She is the daughter of someone I know and have suddenly gotten to know a little better so of course I have friended her.  She is young and skinny and beautiful despite the fact she has just had a baby.  Normally I have evil thoughts in my head towards any skinny person having a baby and remaining skinny but Shae is too cute and too nice to ponder these thoughts.  There is something about her that is warming and draws out kind things in you.  She messages me and tells me she is starting Herbalife.  I have heard about that stuff and pretty sure I have taken that years ago.  We cyber chat for a while and before I know it I have committed myself to visiting and looking at it.    How did she get that commitment out of me so fast and so easy?  She is so good with her explanations and not only has she snuck into my head but she has drawn me into her new Herby world.  I guess that’s  because I am ready and she just happened to be right there in the right moment of time when my mindset was looking.  Herbalife, really?  Well why not?  I did say any dye it will work if you stick to it so why not help out a friend at the same time.  I have promised Shae to stop in and look at her product range soon as I have an existing appointment that passes her house.  So I am thinking to myself this could very well be my new path to take over the next few weeks but I am keeping an open mind and wont commit in a hurry.  On my way back from my appointment I am stuck behind a driver with a personalised number plate that reads LUZW8.  Hmm what liz has to do with anything I don’t know but then I see stickers all over her car saying Herbalife this and Herbalife that.  Then I suddenly click inside my old brain department that it reads lose weight on her plate.  Oh my goodness!  If that is not divine intervention and confirmation from above, then I don’t know what is, so I giggle my way to Shaes house.  Within minutes of talking to miss skinnyjusthadababy I am actually excited.  What is it with this young lady?  She has the gift of the gab and the faith in her product to have me purchase 3 items and get ready to start the next morning after my personal measure and weigh in and photos. PHOTOS!   Umm really.  I tell Shae I give permission for all her requirements as being accountable to her and her page is a good thing for my success but I will have to think really hard on the photo side of things. I leave with a promise that I will think about the photo side of it over night.  Displaying what ya mamma gave you and what you have happily added years too is a whole new level of “I don’t think I am ready to cross that line just yet”  I don’t think anyone is ready to see my over sized portions normally hidden behind material.  God bless the invention of material and no you can be assured I will never be in, or be seen at a nudist colony.  Tomorrow, tomorrow tomorrow.  I can’t wait, I think ……..

I know its been a while since I posted so for me that’s a big deal but I have to confess I have been deliberately hibernating.  Trying to ignore the realities of life and trying to pretend that all is well with the world.  Okay the world is not well as we all know but I’m pretending my world and what happens in my world is all well,  yet it is not.  It’s funny how we appear to tackle the big issues in life head on and usually straight away but we tend to let the little things niggle away and pick at sore spots and still ignore them. They slowly fester until all these little unimportant things become one great big exploding bomb.  Whoever is in the crossfire wonders, was that really necessary and what on earth was that all about in the first place.  We know its only 1 of those little things that was actually the last straw.  The last tiny weeny piece to be put on the about to explode pile that caused such a massive mess to the unsuspecting normally nice person left with remnants on their possibly now scarred mind.  We’re ALL guilty of this aren’t we?  Somewhere at some stage in our walk of life otherwise if you confess to, “no never me:, then you better hope you don’t cross my personal path as I’m guilty in this department of unfair molehill/mountain flinging.  My NY goal was healthier eating and starting with stay away from lollies.  It was to pick 1 thing out of my bad diet to tackle. It was my intention to slowly turn around these 1 at a time named nasties so that I did not fail in my attempt to eat better.  Yet fail I have hence why selfishly hibernating from admitting and being accountable to all.  I can still honestly say I have not had a lolly since NY day however, chocolate biscuits, cakes, breads and anything else sweet or what I know as fattening and not really a meal, has now not only continued but increased.  I have in my mind thought, well I didn’t confess to any of those things just yet so lets just devour them in what ever quantity before I have to give them up.  Needless to say not a good idea and not good for weight management or overall health.  It has reminded me of my “measure”.  I believe we each have a measure that we unknowingly participate in when we try to accomplish anything on any level.  Be it a new hobby, job, or a simple task like weeding the garden (okay in my garden that’s a mammoth task 🙁  ) or reading a book etc.   I believe this measure is vital when we have something serious to attempt and unless we understand ourselves and our measure we will fail.  I am attempting to give up certain foods to make sure I give my body the best chance of continuing for quite a few more years and also that if something should happen in my body that I may not be able to control re genes, then it will be in its best form to fight whatever it has to.  Taking it slow and taking out 1 food item at a time was a measure I knew would fail but I tried to make myself believe that this time it would be different. I have some bad habits and before you all cough and say oh not me, I know you do too.  Lucky I’m not asking for your confessions and may never know them but, if you can understand “your measure” then you will have success if you apply that measure.  My husband was a smoker before we ever met.  We have been together for 36 years  and he has never smoked in that time.  He tells me he went cold turkey 6 months before he met me and his reasons were it cost too much to buy a packet.  So he simply quit on the spot.  Made a decision and stuck to it.  I admire anyone who can do that with anything as it is extremely hard to do cold turkey BUT that is his measure and how he handles things. He knows personally its all in or all out.  There is no half measure for him. Some people can wean themselves off slowly over weeks and be very successful and that is their measure. So if you can understand that if you mix those measures then you will fail.  I have no doubt if hubby had tried to wean off then he would have failed and still be smoking today and I a non smoker would have probably not ever gone out with him in the first place.  That sounds harsh but I’m being honest here.  Now relating this measure to me, I once played a game on Facebook.  Some farm thing that grew well because I spent a lot of time growing my veges and tending my animals and NOT tending my real life animals or house chores.  I tried to allow myself a few hours a day but the pull was too strong and found my self consumed with growing my FB farm.  That was when I learnt about my measure .  I knew in that addictive moment I had to delete Farmville completely off my computer and block it and NEVER go back.  My measure was the same as my husbands.  Cold turkey.  Suffer the withdrawals on whatever level and whatever extent because that is the only way I will win.  I can’t  do halves and I can’t do 3/4s either.  I must measure as a whole.  It must be all or nothing and that is why I am hiding because today is measure day for me and I can’t put it off any longer.  There is pain around the corner and I can already feel it.  There is withdrawal around the corner and my body is contemplating severe reactions.  Therefore I am confessing it all must go or I will have to settle for Fatty Arbuckle and a shorter unhealthy life.  So Fatty Arbuckle is going as of today.  No more lollies, no more chocolate, no more sweets no more bread ( because I consume plenty of that mmmm love my bread) no more anything.  I must find a horrible diet shake or something other than food to kick start my health restoration so I WILL NOT FAIL.  This is how I have to do it for me and my successful measure at this point in my life.  What is your measure?  …….

Grrrr.  I have so been fighting that S word and no I don’t mean sugar.  Well I guess I still am on the sugar level personal home front situation but today S stands for s p a m .  I don’t even want to spell it in case it alerts every spammer on the universe to come and bog my blog.  We seriously had it under control and then over night it’s like the spam heavens (oops I spelt it) opened up.  No I’m not interested in personally enlarging  my penis as I don’t have one and no I am not interested in how you make your tee shirts or if my dog would like some improved version of dog biscuits.  Definitely not interested in everyone’s psychic abilities and I will choose when and if I ever have cosmetic surgery. I’m sure I don’t want car parts for my blog to run smoothly nor do I want hacking tools to get into clash of the clans.    And by the way, thanks for all the nice comments about how well the blog looks then dumping me from puffed up cloud 9 to realise you are a computer and you really don’t care about spamming all over me.   If I had a nasty streak I would retaliate and send you ALL 1000s of ways to beat constipation ( I swear I am not) 1000s of ways to have flat abs ( I know I don’t have those) 1000s of ways to eat chocolate (hmm yes I think I know them all) and Id just love to send you 1000s of virus’s to clog your wheels and stuff up your keyboard.  Then I will send cyber water through to your screen, apologise and pretend that I care.  Looks like my imagination is going haywire from spam stress so you spam bloggers are so lucky that I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea how to do any of that anyway.  Thank goodness my daughter in law knows how to smack down the likes of you and has broken my 3 days of rolling continuous harassments.  Now I can concentrate on the other “s” issue.  Still struggling, still conquering but still not had any chocolate or lollies.  Ooops I tell a lie.  I was offered 1 piece of delicate homemade chocolate whilst at my Aunties house.  I initially said no thanks then I looked at that poor tiny morsel and knew it needed to slither into a new container so I said okay, why not.  You will be so proud of me as there was hesitation of at least 4 seconds between the no and the yes please.  BUT, I am still being very good despite the withdrawals and yes, I still need to kick some more things off that going south list and very soon.  That will be my next confessional update once my spammed head has cleared

Hi. My name is Jocelyn and I’m a chocoholic and its been 4 days since my last man-made, sugar infested, heavenly coated, blood meddling, yummy but dangerous piece of chocolate. Yes it has been 4 days and I’m pretty stoked to have come this far. It has not been an easy 4 days BUT and there sadly is always a but, it is only chocolate and lollies I have gone without thus far. Small steps is what I tell my self on a daily basis so that I don’t fall into a tub of gooey chocolate that will suffocate me into previous behaviours. I am wisely allocating just 2 farewells at the moment so that I don’t fail like all my other past attempts. I have picked on these 2 to start with regardless of the fact they are the most divine inventions ever made by man.  Coming down out of sugar heaven is not a nice thing to endure. Probably not nice for the people around me either which is why I tend to hibernate over these initial days until I can attempt to be semi human again.  The headaches are slowly subsiding.  The “I’m about to devour it all” glare is still there along with the “pop eye look” when I spy something sweet, but both are getting more controllable on an hourly basis.   Minute by minute, hour by hour and one day at a time is all I can cope with right now.  If I can make it to the end of the day then that is all the goal I can muster without a failure lurking.  I must admit that the last 4 days feels more like a month and then that would have to be the worst month ever.  I am extremely tired, wasted, lethargic, un coordinated, grumpy and high tempered.  My fuse is short and I have one nerve left hovering on completely snapping in half.  Nothing is funny on any level and it is a struggle to laugh when all I want to do is go and buy a bag of pineapple lumps, suck the chocolate off and then gorge the chewy fake pineapple bits in the middle.  This all could be worse because whilst I am enduring these withdrawals I will admit to still having some sweet temptations in my bad food accountability.  I have snuck a biscuit or 2 (that’s all I am admitting too) I have had ice-cream and I have had some potato chips.  They will be eliminated slowly and methodically as I attempt to turn my food lifestyle around.  I am hoping if I do it this way then there will be sure success.  There is a saying, all things in moderation but I have obviously lost the moderation aspect of it and stuck strictly to the all things part of it.  So whilst this 4th day is closing I shall go and get my fake potato chips and go and have a good munch.  Cabbage sliced thinly and eaten elephantly.  Sorry hubby. There might be competition tomorrow morning in breaking the sound barrier….

I’ve never made a “New Years Resolution“.  It’s not that I’ve made them and failed but more of making a conscious choice of not making one so I don’t fail.  I hate failing in things even though I think it plays a small part in life’s learning curve.  Failure has a place (or bumps in the road is what I prefer to call them) in moulding and making us unique and help building us into who we are but it still hits the self esteem button regardless and you definitely need a whole bunch of good buddies around you to pump you back up again.  So soon into this 2016  fresh year saw me battling tachycardia yet again.  A heart arrhythmia that I suffer from.  I hate it but I don’t get a say in it.  It shows me I am not mortal and wont live forever.  The specialists tell me I am wired differently.  Most of my mates laugh and say too right and my enemies would say hurry up and drop dead but in a nut shell I am what I have been designed to be and whilst I’m here you better believe my mates far outweigh the odd “e”.  So with a rude, nasty health shake up, it saw me frantically making a new years resolution on a promise that if I don’t die I will try to stick to it.  Note I said try.   I personally don’t make promises I can’t keep.  I am the kind of person that if I say I will do it, you can bet I will.   So with a try equally and firmly snuck and stuck into that desperate resolution request, here am I confessing to all.  Sugar.  Chocolate.  Sweets.  Desserts.  You and I must part ways and quickly.  That was my, “I will try resolution”.  I believe you are connected to my heart that flutters uncontrollably.  In the last 3 weeks prior to the added Christmas chocolate surprises, I have succumbed to your temptations on too many occasions.  I have been unrestrained and self indulging and have not headed the warning signs clearly labelled in front of me.  I have also ignored the pre diabetic warnings the Dr told me about last year and lets not forget that last year was only days ago. Ooops.  There are so many other things food wise that I must start taking out of my diet but sugar seems to be outweighing it all in many departments so one has to start somewhere right?  I may not be a pleasant person to be around for a while so I am not going to tell my family as helping mum or wifey is not a normal male objective in this household.  Too long I have put up with the snorts, farts, burps, grunts and groans here on testosterone hill and quite simply blended in instead of trying to force a wee bit of soft girly stuff into their bones.  Never mind as its my dilemma and these are my thoughts in my head that have me in this kind of addiction in the first place so time to suck it up.  I also better make sure whilst sucking it up that there are no sweet morsels in that inhalation.  I refuse to say the word diet so I will just declare a changing of habits.  Wish me well as a day without something on the sweet side snuck in somewhere could well be the end of the world….

The swimming season is upon me.  I have some trusty togs that have been altered to do their job.  Keep it in and keep it hidden and under no circumstances  shall any thread detach itself from thy neighbour thread.  Every stitched length of cotton is under strict instructions to hold tight no matter how much pressure is on.  Link tight and don’t let go.  These faithful togs are in their 4th year so I admire their stick ability  and courageous battle they have to fight in their summer sessions.  This season  I decided I would go tog shopping.  Not something I was looking forward to but thought I had better do it before death of the 4 year old fabric over ruled its faithfulness.  I had to visit 3 shops to try all the monster outfits on offer and hopefully find a suitable replacement.  If ever one needs to feel depressed and down and wonder why they ever bothered to get out of bed in the morning, then go tog shopping.  I lost track of how many outfits I tried.  You would think I’d have given up after a couple of fittings but I was desperate to release my trusty friend before a catastrophic occurrence rendered me to be never seen in public again.  It was not an easy task but eventually after what felt like 57 nauseating attempts, I found a new pair.  The only down fall was a skirt around the lower half but I thought I could easily cut that off.  Yes  I’m a Nana but I am not quite ready for Nana clothing just yet.  I will stick to my favourite swimming shorts that are also hired to help on the  hide it all in, department.  Today the Grandchildren are here and they want to swim.  I’ve had a few swims already this summer but chose to use the old pair but today I decide it is new tog day.  I get out the already skirt cut off pair and engage in the activity of putting them on.  It is a struggle to pull them up and  over the Xmas storage department.  I have to double check that these are the new togs because they certainly were not that hard to get on in the fitting room last month.  Next I try to pull the straps up to make them my personal over the shoulder bolder holders.  Hmmmm another very tight fit and  I somehow get my straps twirled and tangled to the point I cannot get them over my arms and sitting in any polite position. Now I have to become an elasticated alien to manoeuver my torso through the restructuring procedure without ruining the togs.  Oh heaven forbid my grandchildren come looking to see if  Nana is ready.  Did I shut that door?   I am so tangled up and getting desperate to try and dissect and connect the openings that go with the body bits.  Everything is so tight and will not cover anything or go anywhere so I am forced to look in the mirror to see where I have gone wrong. Oh not a pretty site.  Oh my goodness who is that looking at me?  Is that me?  Where did all that excess baggage come from.  I am shocked at this new person mocking me  and not because my arms are twisted like Houdini climbing out of a straight jacket but because there is simply a lot of me that I hadn’t noticed before.  I don’t know where it came from and when it came but it cameth in a truck load and attached itself unevenly so that I can now see it will not easily go into the new outfit.  I hear a NANA!  in the distance.   Oh heck the girls are coming.  I shoved those lumps bumps sags and bags into that beautifully made swimwear so fast that my reflection could not keep up with me.  I sucked tucked folded and rolled it all into new places in lightening speed that defied my age.  “Nana’s nearly ready,” I call back to deter them from bursting through the door and having their vision ruined for life.  I finish with my trusty shorts.  Good grief even they are under more pressure than expected.  Maybe it is true and that there is something in the closet that makes your clothes shrink every year.  So unfair and so cruel.  I make it to the swimming pool but it’s not pretty and I am so scared if I bend jump lift or attempt anything there will be a mass eruption of material going in all directions…..

I hate grocery shopping but it used to be at least a pleasant ish experience. When all 4 sons were home along with the mere male hubby, the food trolley would be stacked super tall and in creative ways with purposely placed items so that I could fit the mass amount of food it took to feed those said males with their always extremely high hungry levels. I would get stopped at least 5 times in that hour with “wow” and “I bet that will cost a lot?” to “Oh is that a months worth?” I would always answer “No, just a week. I have 5 males you see…” and that would start the sympathy and adoration rolling in. Kind of like a new mother taking her gorgeous baby out for the first month. All the goo’s and gaa’s and smiley strangers wanting to touch your precious cargo. I however never got them wanting to touch me, sigh, or even helping me, but it was pretty cool being slightly different. Nothing like getting your love tank filled via hearty slaps on the back and “you can do it” encouragements. Today sadly has been just like the last few months and it has been absolutely downright horrible. I go in and I go out. My trolley is only half fill.  No one smiles at me, no one encourages me and NO ONE helps me. I get NO ATTENTION on any level whatsoever. It is so disgusting I may as well start using those little half ones…..