I’m a mum who has been there and done that in almost every situation.  So from experience I KNOW that there is no safe place to hide in your home from your children.  Including the toilet.  Yes the toilet.   The minute you think right, I’ll sneak off for 5 minutes of peace and then the second  you drop your drawers and relax on the cold hard porcelain, you hear those words.  “MUUUUM!”   At first you ignore them because you are doing a huge chest inflated sigh and are deciphering if the mum sound is actually an emergency call or just a nagging loved one.  We all know that ignorance does not win and the MUM! just increases until you yell a full vein popping response of “I’M ON THE TOILET!” thanking yourself that you are in the right position should you cause a wee accident with the great gusto you just blurted out. You are also hoping that the neighbour didn’t hear your unloved I hate my children scream that has proved to them that all along that you are a bad mother.

You add in a less than happy voice  “Someone better be dying out there because IM BUSY!”  Of course no child ever listened to the feeder cleaner make my life easier person on the toilet trying to do her business in peace.  Well I have news for you.  Once they grow up and fly the coup in doesn’t get any better.  You shift from children to  grandchildren and they are no different to their parents unless cute is your only comparison, but they too also wail at your private door.  Once Grandys are aged a bit then we move on to the pets.  YES the PETS.

I have somehow managed to accumulate  4 pet cats.  Two of whom must follow me everywhere.  Whether it be gardening or sewing or going to the loo.  The ginger one sits and watches me sew while the greyish one does gardening and yes the toilet watch.  I have actually had quite a few toilet stops now where no human has ever called out mum.  It will happen moms and dads but sorry to say it is way down the line when the wrinkles reign and the aching bits constantly remind you of your lost youth.  Now that I am at the other end of this scenario I don’t have to shut the door.  I used to not only shut it but lock it and unless I heard a thud in the house from the other side (not my side) and maybe some screaming followed by blood  gushing underneath the door, I am alone and locked in my world for as long as I possibly can get it.

Since I have downgraded to one nosey cat,  I now just rush in and push the door semi closed and get on into my full relaxed mode.

Greyish cat isn’t happy with not being able to shadow me so will spend a bit of time meowing at the door before she taps the door until finally I see a little white paw pushing past through the gap and suddenly Hello.  It doesn’t bother me too much as the kids are gone, grandys are not here and its just me and the cats and they can’t tell anyone what they can see.

If anyone was to sit on my toilet with the door open they would look out over past the kitchen to the big window that encases an outside servery and if someone was to walk past that servery then it would not be a pretty site for them but since I am mostly home alone, it has never been a problem.

Now I am used to toilet = cat meowing = cat scratching = door opening = helloooo mummy is busy do you mind?

I might add that this has been happening for a good two years now so we are in a good routine and very habitual and I don’t give it another thought.   It’s absolutely normal to have a cat watch me go to the toilet.

Hubby decided a week ago to hire a professional crowd to wash our house.  First time we have ever done this and due to our age and physical ability we both thought why not. A two hour job done by two men  is better than me taking a week to water blast it and another week to recover from my spider phobia.

Today sees these men turn up and start their two hour stretch.  Today sees them get on with their job and work at a great speed.  Today sees the front of house done in the first hour and now they at the back doing the 2nd half.  One is working on the verandah.  The same verandah that encases my kitchen window.  The same kitchen window I can see from my toilet.  Where am I?  Busting to go of course because I wouldn’t go while they were blasting that side of the house I am weeing in in-case  A: they hear me and B: a spider might come blasting through the window.  So now I’m relaxing with the usual meow and tap tap tap and the door slowly opening when suddenly it dawns on me.  Man cleaning veranda = cat pushing door open = old lady on toilet = my two year  “no one has seen me” record is about to be exposed = PANIC PANIC SHOO CAT NOOOOO= QUICKEST PAPER WORK IN HISTORY ….