A small word with tremendous implications.  No matter how you juggle it, work it, play it, or just waste it, we all have the same time in our hours, day in and day out.  The only bit we don’t get the same is how many days of time do we have?  Most of us don’t know when our time will run out and we simply trust the man upstairs that our allocated time is poured out through many years of hopefully exciting life.  I have been thinking about time lately because A… I have been to a funeral and B.  my own mortality is being questioned.

The funeral I went to was of a young wee boy all of 4.5 years old. He wasn’t sick, he didn’t accidentally die, he was just taken.  He didn’t wake up that morning and all subsequent tests showed a very healthy boy.  There was no reason that any professional could tell why he should not have woken up.  How cruel is that.  How cruel to the amazing parents who will never get their why answered here on earth.  His time was too short.  Yet his time was lived far beyond his age.  What an amazing fun packed life this young boy had.  The impact he had on people and the legacy he has left to all those who ever met him.  His parents, family and friends are very proud of this boy although it will never be enough to dull the ache they must now bear.  Laying this unfair life taken to early aside, I myself have been unwell lately.   I  am clearly past that young age and lean heavily on the downhill run.  I have had to question my own time because serious stuff happens on that downhill slope.  I have always needed to readjust things in my life but have failed to head the warnings of healthy living and good ways to ensure my time is long and lengthy.  We all think we will live forever and those bad things will happen to someone else.   Now I have to question my time and how much of it is left.

My heart plays musical tricks on me and has for years.  We all have the uneven beats that either miss and then heavily slam dunk themselves back into rhythm or skip along uneven making you wonder who is compelling a tune that you just don’t like.  I have those too but I also have 2 others as well.  One is called tachycardia and the one that annoys me is the one that is simply out of rhythm.  I call it my orchestral conductor gone crazy mode that can last for what feels like forever.   It leaves me exhausted and contemplating my time.  Is this is?  Is this where I exit?  Is this where someone will walk in and find a collapsed elephant dressed in my clothes, on the floor?  I have asked myself that question quite a lot lately whilst begging to please let this not be my time.  “What will it take to make me change my ways?”   “Will changing my ways, change my ways?”  My cardiologist tells me if I did it different I would still have this faulty wiring that is now casting that shadow on my time.     So I have been sneakily putting of this surgery for a few years pretending it will go away.   Since the funeral I have not been a happy camper.  I have been sulking, hibernating and in denial.  Now it is time for me to get real and face reality and to be brave and make those decisions that will sadly not involve chocolate, lollies or any form of exercise.   Yippeeeee  on the exercise……